Living With an American Homestay Family

A printable version of this handbook with colored pictures and word definitions is available at http://www.uli.net/homestayhandbook.pdf.

This version is available so that you can use a translator to make sure you understand what you should expect when living with a homestay family. Please translate it with a program like the one found at http://translate.google.com/translate_t.

Your Homestay Family
Welcome to University Language Institute’s homestay program. Unless otherwise stated, your homestay includes a room, 3 meals a day, and transportation to and from school. We hope that you enjoy your experience with your homestay family. We hope that you use this special opportunity to practice and improve your English more.

Homestay families in the USA come in all shapes and sizes. You might live with a couple, a family with children, a single parent with children, a single lady, a single man, or even in a house of adult roommates. Some may have light skin and some may have dark skin. Some might be young and some might be older. Some might have religious beliefs different than yours. Remember, the USA is a “melting pot” of different cultures. Some of our families live close to the school and some live many miles from the school. Each family we have is very different.
Your homestay family will be different from your family at home. This does not mean one is better than another, just different. Things may be done very differently than in your home country. While you are living with your new family, you should learn to do things like they are done in the USA.

Your family will provide support during your stay in the USA. They will be available for help with homework, light shopping needs, advice on cultural differences, friendship, and conversation. You have the opportunity to develop a lifetime relationship.

Names
Ask your homestay family what names they want to be called. Many times, adults in the USA want you to call them by their first names because it feels more comfortable to them. Other adults might want to be called by a title like “professor”, “doctor”, “mister”, or “misses”.

Communication
Most Americans prefer direct, face-to-face communication. If you have a question, no matter how unusual, it is best to ask your homestay family. Do not be embarrassed.

If your homestay family asks you a direct question, this is not to be taken as an insult. This should be a learning opportunity for both of you. If something is offensive to you, you should gently tell your homestay family.
Talk with EACH member of the family EVERY DAY.

Spend time communication with your family. Stay at the dinner table after dinner to have conversations with them. They want to know about you, your country, your family, your dreams, and your life. This is one of the best ways to improve your English skills and build a lasting relationship.
Ask questions, watch, listen, and learn to understand and do things in new ways. Communication and patience are important.

The American Lifestyle
Please remember that most Americans do not have servants. Most families work and go to school between the hours of 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. This means that you may have to come to school early or stay at school late. This is normal. When your homestay family finally gets home, they will still have to clean, to cook, to take care of children, and to do many other things. Usually, everyone in the family helps with these things. Since you will be a part of the family, they will expect you to do your part. Please be considerate of your homestay family’s time and do not expect them to be your servants. Servants are expensive in the USA. If you want someone to do things for you, you can hire our own maid for $20 an hour.

Your homestay family is also not obligated to entertain you. If you are bored, please find ways to entertain yourself. Not every family will have all the entertainment options that you are accustomed to. Any entertainment not already available to you should be purchased by yourself. Please see the transportation section of this handbook about how to find a bus to take you around the city if you want to do something outside your home and don’t have a car.

Rules
Most families have rules. If the family has children, you may have to follow the same rules that the children have. It would not be fair for you to be able to do something that they are not allowed to do.
Most families also have a curfew. If you have to be out later, please talk to or call your homestay before curfew time and let them know why and what time you will be home. This should not happen very often.
Many families will not like it if you smoke or drink in their home. If you do smoke, you should smoke outside far from the house. If there are young children living in the home, please do not let them see you smoke. Never ever smoke inside. You also need to know that Tulsa has a law that does not allow smoking inside most public buildings.

Your Bedroom
You should have your own room unless you have agreed to share a room with another student. You should have a bed, storage area for your clothes, and a table or desk for studying. Please ask your homestay before you decorate.
Please do not stay in your room all the time with the door shut. If you do this, your homestay family will think that you don’t like them.
It is your responsibility to keep your room clean. This means vacuuming, changing your bed linens, dusting, etc. This should be done at least every two weeks or as often as requested by your homestay family.
Please do not stay in your bedroom all the time with the door closed. This communicates to the homestay family that you do not like them. Please try to spend time together with the family when you have the opportunity.

Laundry
You will have your own laundry basket and will do your own laundry. If you do not know how, please ask your homestay family to teach you. You can use your homestay family’s laundry detergent and fabric softener. If there are already clothes in the
washing machine or dryer, please remove them and place
them in an empty laundry basket. You have clean sheets on your bed and are welcome to wash them or change them once a week.

Meals
Since you are living with an American homestay family, you can expect to be eating American food. If you don’t want to eat American food, you might want to look for an apartment.

Most American families are busy and expect their homestay students to learn how to be more independent with their food. Please ask which foods are for snacking and which are for meals.

Breakfast -- While some homestay families will prepare and eat breakfast together, most families will show you what is available for breakfast and expect you to make it for yourself.

Lunch -- You will probably also be expected to make lunch for yourself. In some cases, the family may expect you to take leftovers from the evening meal for lunch the next day. This is normal. If you do not know what you can take for lunch, please ask your homestay family.
Supper -- Some homestay families prepare an evening meal that everyone eats together. Your homestay family may ask you to help with the meal by chopping vegetables or something like that. You should always offer to help and help to clean up afterwards.
Because families often have a busy schedule, meals may not be served at the same time every night. If you get hungry and eat alone or with friends before your family prepares supper for you, please let your family know so that they don’t prepare more food for you. If you will not be coming home for a meal, please let your family know so that they do not wait for you.

Customs and manners -- Some families say a prayer before they eat. If this is your homestay family’s custom, wait until after the prayer to start eating.

In the USA, you should eat your food without slurping or making noise. Soup served in a bowl with a spoon should be eaten quietly with a spoon. You should chew with your mouth closed. Burping is considered to be impolite.

Some families will discuss their day after or during the meal. It is polite to enter into this discussion and afterward to help with clearing the table and loading the dishwasher.

Cooking for yourself -- In some homestay families, you might sometimes (or always) be expected to cook the evening meal for yourself because the family is too busy and all the adults in the family take care of themselves. If this is your situation, please let the homestay family know what you like to eat so that you can have good food available to cook for yourself.

If you eat alone, you should always put the dishes in the dishwasher or wash them by hand. Do not leave dirty dishes in the sink.

Disliking the food -- If your family provides food that you do not like, it is acceptable to tell them. You can say, “Thank you for the _______, but I really do not like it.” You should work with your homestay family to find foods that you like. Remember that the food will not be like the food that you have in your country. Try to adjust to eating American food. You might ask your homestay family if you can teach them how to cook one of your country’s foods. But don’t be offended if they do not like them.

If you want types of food that the family does not normally eat, you need to buy those foods separately. There is no reduction of the homestay fee if you buy your own food unless you have a special agreement with your homestay family about this.
If you eat at a restaurant with your homestay family, you should pay for your own meal. If you do not have the money to do this, you can ask to stay at home and make your own meal.

The Bathroom
When using the bathroom, always close the door. If the door is already closed, knock to be sure that no one is using it. If you share a bathroom with other family members, please limit your bathroom time to 15 minutes in the morning.

Take a shower or bath every day, use deodorant, and brush your teeth. You will need to buy your own toothpaste, toothbrush, deodorant, shampoo, and soap. However, your homestay family should provide towels for you.

Clean up after yourself every day. Pick up your dirty clothes and hang up your wet towels to dry. Don’t leave water on the bathroom counters or the floor. If you ruin the counters and floor with water, you may be asked to replace them. Don’t leave the sink dirty with hair or toothpaste.

It is okay to put toilet paper in the toilet. However, please do not put other items in the toilet. Men should be careful not to urinate on the toilet or on the floor and should clean any accidents. Women should place all female products in the trash (not in the toilet), wrapped in toilet paper. Please always flush the toilet.

It is part of your responsibility to share the job of keeping the bathroom clean. Jobs that your homestay family might request your help with are: cleaning the tub, cleaning the toilet, emptying the trash, and mopping or vacuuming the floor. If you have your own bathroom, it is entirely your responsibility to clean it once a week.

The Living Room
The living room is a common room for the whole family. Please be considerate when watching television or listening to music in this room. Movies or television programs should be appropriate for the whole family to watch. Please ask your homestay family what type of movies or television programs are allowed to be watched in their home.

The Television and Stereo
Your homestay family may or may not have a television and stereo for you to use. You need to discuss the use of the television and stereo with your homestay family. Most families will ask that you not make any loud noises after 10:00 p.m. (or whenever their bedtime is). If your homestay family allows you to use the television and stereo, please be considerate of your homestay family.

Some families do not like loud music or certain types of music. Other families may not allow people in their house (including you) to watch certain types of movies or television programs or play certain types of games. Please ask your homestay family about their rules.

The Telephone
If your family has a home telephone, you may use it. However, you should limit your phone calls to 20 minutes unless your homestay family gives you permission to talk for longer.

You should make your phone calls between 8:00 a.m. and 10:00 p.m. Your friends or family should not call you after 10:00 p.m. unless it is an emergency.

You should always make international or long distance phone calls with a calling card. You can buy one at any grocery store or convenience store.

You may request to have a phone installed in your bedroom. If you want this, you must pay for the installation of a private phone line. The cost for installation is approximately $50. Monthly service costs about $60. This phone line can be used for phone calls or computer access to the internet.

Most students purchase a cell phone instead of using the family’s phone. This is really the best choice since you can use your own phone as much as you want to and can talk on it whenever you want to.

The Computer
Your homestay family may or may not have a computer. You may or may not be able to use it. If the family gives you permission to use it, never change the settings, add or remove programs, change the language, or change anything about it without first asking your homestay family. You should buy a package of disks or a USB drive to store your documents on. Never store your documents on your homestay family’s computer.
Please follow your homestay family’s rules about the amount of time that you can use the family’s computer. It is a good idea to only use the computer for 30 minutes or less unless you have permission to use it longer for homework.

The Internet
If your family does not internet access, please do not ask them to buy a computer or pay for the internet for you. If you want to use the internet, you should ask your family’s permission for you to have it installed. However, you will need to pay for the installation and service and be responsible to stop that service after you leave your homestay.

Please never visit pornographic sites. Please do not download music or movies illegally.

Friends
You should always ask permission to have friends over to the house before you invite them. Friends should not arrive after 10:00 p.m.
Some homestay families have rules about who can visit you in your home. Most families will not allow you to invite a member of the opposite sex into your bedroom.

If you are planning to go out with friends, it is very important that you communicate your plans to your homestay family as soon as possible.

Transportation
Your homestay family will provide transportation for you to and from school. Sometimes this means that a family member or a family friend will drive you to school. Sometimes this means that the homestay family will purchase a bus pass for you to use to get to and/or from school.

If you have planned to meet your homestay family at a certain time or place, please follow this plan or call your homestay family many hours before time to ask to change the plans.

If you buy your own car, walk to school, or have some other way to get to school, you can ask your homestay family to reduce the amount of money that you pay every month. The amount that they reduce your rent will depend on the distance the family lives from ULI.

It is not your family’s responsibility to provide transportation for you to anywhere except school. Some families might be willing to drive you somewhere sometimes, but they are not your chauffeur. If you want your own chauffeur, you can rent one for $12 an hour (does not include car).

If you want to take a bus, visit http://www.tulsatransit.org for bus schedules and prices. Other options are to walk, ride a bike, roller-blade, or ask friends for transportation.

Money
If you need to open a bank account, we suggest that you open an account at Arvest Bank across from the Cityplex or in Wal-Mart. You can open and account there just by showing them your passport. Please do not put the homestay family’s name on the account.

Do not keep large amounts of cash money at home or school. If you do, please put it in a safe place.

Do not loan money to or borrow money from your homestay family.

Payment
Always pay your rent on time. You can pay by cash, traveler’s checks, or check. You should pay the day that you move in. Your payment will be due each month on that date. If your payment is 5 days late, there will be a $10 late fee. If your payment is 20 or more days late, you will be asked to move. ULI will not find you a new homestay if you are asked to move because you did not pay.

Homestay fees that have been paid in advance will be refunded after all bills have been paid for the unused time.

Vacations
If you leave your homestay to go on vacation, the homestay fee will not be reduced unless you will be gone for more than two weeks.

Culture Shock
All cultures are different. This does not mean one culture is better than another. Everyone experiences some form of “culture shock”. If you know what to expect and how to react, you will be okay.

Signs of culture shock:
• Eating a lot or losing your appetite
• Sleeping all the time or having trouble sleeping
• Feeling irritable or critical of everything

What NOT to do:
• Feel sorry for yourself
• Call home all the time (this will make it worse)
• Spend a lot of time alone

Culture shock stages:
Honeymoon period – In the beginning, you will be fascinated by everything new. You will be excited and happy about being in a new culture.

Culture shock – You become immersed in new problems: housing, transportation, shopping, and language. Mental tiredness results from continuously straining to understand English. Headaches are common.
Initial adjustment – Everyday activities such as housing and shopping are no longer major problems. Although you may not be fluent yet in English, you can start to express basic ideas and feelings in English.

Mental isolation -- When you’ve been away from your friends or family for a long time, you may feel lonely. You may begin to think that you can not express yourself as well in English as in your native language. This can result in frustration or lack of confidence. Some students stay at this stage.

Acceptance and integration – You are finally able to establish a routine. You have accepted the habits, customs, foods, and characteristics of the people in your new culture. You finally feel comfortable with your new friends, associates, and the English language.

What to Do if There’s a Problem
If you have a problem with your homestay, talk with them about it first.
If you still have a problem, talk with your housing coordinator about it. We cannot help you if we do not know that there is a problem. Together, we can solve most problems.

Moving Out
If problems cannot be solved, students who did not visit their homestay family before moving in will be allowed to change homestays a maximum of one time without any additional fee. A 30-day notice is required to find a new family unless it is an emergency. You should not move or change host families without talking to the housing coordinator first.

You are allowed to stay in your homestay a maximum of 2 weeks after your last day of class. The only exception to this would be if there is no student who will be moving into your homestay immediately after you. However, we request that you move out to accommodate a new ULI student after you have finished your studies at ULI if requested to do so.

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